Archive for February, 2013

What goes Bump in the Night

I’m tired this morning for two very dumb reasons.  Here is my life:

First of all, I realized recently that one of my holes had grown closed.  Pierced ear hole, thank you.  Yesterday morning I was able to force my thick, original stud in my right ear. Ouch! I went to put any earring in the left ear and the only earring that I could get to go in was a very thin gauge post, almost like a needle.  I poked and poked and pushed and forced and finally essentially re-pierced my ear.  The squeak and pop when it poked though made my daughter Emily woozy.  I had to sleep on that big earring all night and it was a giant pearl.  It was not in the least bit comfortable.  Nor did it match my jammies, it was too dressy.

My throbbing ears woke me up at 3 a.m. and I heard a very strange noise, potentially in the house.  The house and the street were dead quiet except for a very faint strange “ffffssssshhhhh”.  That’s what woke me up, it was a sound that I was not used to.  So I sat up in bed and then accidentally on purpose rustled around to accidentally on purpose wake up Mike, my husband.  What follows is an actual conversation that Mike and I had.  

Mike:  “What’s the matter?”
Me: “I hear something!”
Mike: “What?  I don’t hear anything.”
Me: “Exactly!!”
Mike: “All I hear is the furnace running”
Me: “I’m telling you it’s something.”
Mike:  “Well, let’s narrow this down.  Do you hear the furnace?”
Me: “No, duh!  What do you think I am, stupid?”
Mike: “What does it sound like?”
Me: “fffsssshhhh”
Mike gets out of bed to feel the register to see if the heat is coming out.  It is.  I state that maybe the furnace isn’t working.  He is not amused and gets back into bed.


Mike: “Do you still hear it?”
Me:  “Yes, I am going to go search.”
Mike:  tone, less than amused  “Yeahhhh, you go do that.”

I searched the basement, looked at the furnace, the hot water heater, the sump pump and the water softener, which seemed to be making a faint “fffssshhh”.
I returned to bed.

Me: “Well that solves it.”
Mike: “What was it?”
Me: “It was nothing.  But I still hear it.”
Mike: “Now I hear it.”
Me: “What is it?”
Mike: “Nothing.”
Me: “Oh, that explains it.”
Mike:  “Well, it sounds like in the fall when they have those big machines out in the fields drying the corn”
Me: “Do they do that in February in the snow?”
Mike: “No”
Me: “Well, I guess it’s not that.”
Slight pause
Mike: “No”
Me:  “Hmm, must be nothing then.”
Mike: “Yup”

20 Minutes later

Mike: “I think it stopped.”
Me: “I still hear it.”
Mike: humpf
Me: “Oh, you are right.  I don’t hear it anymore.”

30 minutes later

Me: “Sorry you can’t sleep”
Mike: “That’s okay, what’s sleep anyways?”
Me: “My ears are throbbing”
Mike: “Go to sleep!”

At around 4:30 we both finally fell asleep to have the clock wake us up at 5:30 to start another day.  Good thing I’m already a natural beauty because if I was in the need of beauty sleep last night was not the night to get it.  My ears are still throbbing.  And now I need a nap.